La Lascivia

For it is a true rule, that love is ever rewarded, either with the reciproque, or with an inward and secret contempt. ≈ Essays of Bacon






There was a time when she believed that elephants could fly and you could hear trees talking if you listened careful enough. Then again she also used to think that every love was reciprocal at one point. Her being was refusing to believe the otherwise. It was simple; when you touched water, it touched you too, when you kissed the air, it kissed you too. In other words, the middle age witches were all wrong, there was no formula nor elixir for love. If it was real enough, one could touch a soul and it would kiss her back.

But reality happened. It took her beliefs and hugged them tightly, 'till they eventually broke off. She was so captivated by the moment that it hadn't occurred to her until the music had stopped and she was the only one standing up, failed to get a chair. At age of 21 Kim Eun Joo was dumped.

From where she once looked, that should have been the very end. When one lets go your hand of, you let go of his too. Nevertheless, thoughts didn't match feelings and the glass shoes fitted the step sisters feet perfectly. Cinderella was left dumbfounded.

The cheerful girl who enjoyed life the most, locked herself into a dark room and threw the keys out of an open window. Watching the miraculous creatures of God all alone was pure unbearable. She didn't wanted to be a part of the flawless plan, she refused to go out and get lost amongst the crowd. The only thing she had ever desired was to be special to the one she loved, yet his heart was torn between many more, to a point where there was no room for him, himself. An actual player.



“Time to go.” regaining her consciousness, she slowly turned back.
“Yeah.”


They say there are seven deadly sins; pride, greed, envy, gluttony, wrath, sloth and lust. And she had committed almost all of them for his love. She loved him as desert loved sun and fish loved water, then she yearned for him like bullet yearned for flesh.
When things had gotten out of her hands was too unclear, one night she opened her eyes only to find a handful of pills silently swaying through her throat.



Kim Eun Joo continued to take light steps towards the door, one after one another, one another after the other. Then she suddenly stopped when two men appeared out of nowhere. Putting on a crocked smile she greeted them for one last time.

“Father”, she asked with a soft voice, “ do you know what Lucifer stands for, the reason why he was kicked out of heaven?”
“Pride, my child.” answered the old man. His certainty amused her.
“I believe you're wrong, he was kicked because he loved. So much that he wanted God's love for only himself.”

Her steps fastened and soon she was out of sight. The Father turned his confused gazes to the Chief.
“Why was she here?”

The pills got mixed to the poisonous sins in her soul and she closed her eyes satisfied once again. She wanted to be closer to the one she loved. The music had stopped and she was the only one left without a chair.


“She lusts for God.”